


No Homo

by Grymmeoir



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, dumbass craig, like seriously fucking dumb, maybe even dumber than clyde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grymmeoir/pseuds/Grymmeoir
Summary: Craig receives a suspicious text from Tweek and laments on whether or not his "boyfriend" is gay.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 10
Kudos: 104





	No Homo

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, It's been like a whole year since I last wrote anything so this fic isn't exactly the best. Thank you for being curious enough about the summary that you decided to read it though.

**  
  
  
  
“I love you <3”**  
  
Three words and a heart, Craig stared at the message embedded on his phone, he read it again and again until sweat started to trickle down his forehead. This wasn’t the message that he was expecting to get. Their earlier conversation was about how ties are dumb and how it shouldn’t exist, why did Tweek reply with this? Was he hacked?  
  
It was around nine o'clock in the morning, the time when most people would start their daily grind. Usually, Craig was one of those people; but today it was different. 

He didn’t need to go, and there was no way in hell that he’s going to, not like he hated his job or anything, in fact he absolutely loved it. He was a video producer for NASA, yes that **NASA**. Craig knew that he struck the jackpot when he got that job. It was basically a mixture of two of his most favorite things: videography and space. He was in charge of editing the data received from the rovers on Mars, he also occasionally helped with the animation team since he was particularly well versed in lighting effects.  
  
When he was younger he initially wanted to become an astronaut, but Craig knew that this dream was out of his reach, he needed a master’s degree, two years of professional experience, and he was also required to pass an intense physical exam. Not only that, but he also needed to dedicate his whole life to that lifestyle. And that was not something that Craig can willingly do. The reason for that being: Tweek Tweak, or as Craig had “affectionately” called him: “Babe”.

There was a sinking feeling in his stomach as he read the sentence that Tweek had sent him. Over the past fifteen years, Craig and Tweek had been “dating”. It wasn’t as if they actually liked each other in that way, but rather they kept it up because they knew that the people of South Park will get depressed when the two of them “breaks up”. 

Craig bit his lip, he wondered what could have prompted Tweek to text him that he loves him.

Was Tweek gay? He pondered, if he were, then he would have told him earlier on right? He looked at his phone again, the same message flashed on his screen. 

_“Craig, are you ready yet? We need to get started with- woah wait, why the long face?”_

Token barged into the room, he was looking at his watch with an irritated expression. But as soon as he saw Craig; concern replaced irritation.

_“Token…”_

_“What is it dude? Is there something wrong?”_ Token pulled up a nearby chair and sat near his friend. Hoping to lend an ear to Craig’s worries.”

_“Do you think that Tweek’s gay?”_

_“What.”_

_“Tweek sent me a text message that said_ **_“I love you”_ ** _and I think he really means it.”_

Token stared at Craig with an expression that screamed: “Are you actually for real?”

_“Yes, he’s gay! And of course, he fucking means it; what the fuck are you on about Craig?”_ _  
_  
Upon hearing what his friend had said, Craig adjusted the collar of his shirt, then let out a huge sigh. 

_“We’re not actually dating, it’s only for show. I’m not really gay.”_

_“Are you sure? You’re clearly not thinking straight.”_

_“Haha very funny, But no, I really am straight.”_

_“Dude…”_ Token looked at Craig incredulously, his mind couldn’t process the sheer ridiculousness that his friend was blabbing about, this was not the day that Craig should be making that joke, and even so, Craig isn’t even the type of person to make jokes.

_“Okay fine let’s say that you’re straight, but what about the fact that you guys were dating for fifteen years...”_

_“Yeah, that was fake.”_

_“You guys kissed and held hands!”_

_“All for show…”_

_“I hear you guys say I love you to each other all the fucking time! Don’t you think that’s gay?”_

_“Saying it in real life is different, this time he texted me and he even added a heart emoji.”_ Craig showed Token his phone then pointed to the heart symbol that was displayed next to Tweek’s message.

_“Craig, are you actually for real right now?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yes.”_

_“Wait didn’t you guys have se- I mean n-nevermind don’t answer that.”_ Token cut off his sentence, and awkwardly coughed, his cheeks were red with embarrassment, But all Craig did as a response was to stare blankly at his friend. 

_“Are you telling me all of the dates were a lie? And that you genuinely don’t find him attractive?”_

_“Well yeah, I do like Tweek a lot but not like in a gay way or anything. He’s just my really good friend. Am I attracted to him? Well he’s not bad looking, his eyes are very pretty, his hair is really fluffy and his skin is soft to touch so he feels nice to hold, and I also really like it when he cuddles up to me for warmth or when he looks at me with pleading eyes; whenever he does that I get this really nice, warm, and fluffy feeling in my chest.”_

_“Dude, that’s ultra gay.”_

_“No it’s not, Tweek and I are just friends, we’re only doing it for the town. Do you not cuddle your homies? It’s totally a friend thing.”_

_“Craig, we’re homies...Clyde is also your homie, and so is Jimmy.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yeah so?”_

_“Would you cuddle with either of us?”_

_“Fuck no.”_ Craig frowned in absolute disgust.

_“Then do you see what I mean?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Hmm, well maybe because Tweek’s a special type of friend, compared to the rest of you that is.”_

_“Of course he fucking is, HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“N-no…”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Craig...”_ Token pinched the bridge of his nose, Was his friend really that stupid? Is this some sort of sick joke? A thousand thoughts swirled in his head.

_“I’m telling you, I’m not gay. But maybe Tweek is...and I don’t know how to feel about it.”_

_“Craig, today is literally your Wedding Day.”_ Token facepalmed then pointed to the black tuxedo blazer that was neatly laid out on the bed.

_“Yes and?”_

_“Your wedding with Tweek! You were the one who proposed, I was there cheering you on and you even asked me for advice, Clyde was there! “Jimmy was there, everyone's there!!”_

_“There was literally no reason for you to propose other than the fact that you love him too.”_

_“Well the townspeople were…”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“It’s been fifteen years! Do you think the townspeople still care about that? They moved on man...The gay kids hype lasted for a couple of years, and after that they completely forgot about it, and yet you guys still continued dating.”_  
  
_“Well yeah but…”_

_“Why’d you even propose!?”_

_“Well...because...”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Because?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Because I find Tweek to be extremely adorable, not just in appearance but also in personality, I like how he draws emotions out of me, he makes me feel things that I have never felt before. I know that I have the emotional capacity of a brick but I love how he can still read me and know when I’m feeling bad or mad. Whenever I think of him and the fact that we’re together, it makes me feel inexplicably happy. He is everything to me and I could not imagine a life where we are not together so I wanted to marry him and stay with him and have a family with him, and I…”_ _  
_  
_“W-woah, okay fuck, I guess I do like him...where did that come from?”_ Craig scratched the back of his head, surprised by his sudden burst of monologue about his admiration for Tweek.  
  
_“Like???”_  
  
_“Okay, maybe I do love him…”_

_“YES YOU DO, For fuck’s sake you’re stressing me out, with your no homo shit.”_  
  
_“Well I guess I just got used to pretending that I love him that it unconsciously turned into a real thing; and I was just too dumb to realize it.”_  
  
_“I can’t believe you realized it on the day of your fucking wedding, Jesus Christ how stupid can you be? Clyde would have realized it at least two years earlier than you.”_  
  
_“Are you still salty about the fact that I chose Clyde as my best man instead of you?”_  
  
_“Yes, but to be honest if you picked me, he’d probably be whining to me all night about it so I don’t care about it as much as I used to before.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yeah, sorry about that.”_  
  
“ _Anyway it’s time to go and get married you fucking dumbass, they’re probably wondering what took me so long to get you.”_ Token stood up patted Craig on the back then exited the room. _“You don’t want to keep Tweek waiting don’t you?”_  
  
Craig also got up from the chair where he was sitting. He then walked to the bed and wore his blazer. He looked at his tie, it was a clip-on. It matched with Tweek’s, it was something that the two of them bought together because they both didn’t know how to tie a necktie.  
  
He grabbed his phone which he had been staring at for some time a while back, Craig read the last text he had sent to Tweek.  
  
**“I’m glad that we decided to get matching clip-on ties, neckties are dumb and shouldn’t exist.”**  
  
He then read the message that Tweek had sent, Craig smiled as he typed his reply.  
  
**“I love you too <3”**

**Author's Note:**

> This is my monthsary piece for an event at my discord server where a bunch of artists and writers collaborate on a piece. The art shown above is drawn by my discord daughter Rose-Etty. Check out her Tumblr and Insta, she's amazing!


End file.
